Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
