yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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