even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
