I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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