Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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