I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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