I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize