chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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