I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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