I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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