My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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