$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
