my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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