i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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