isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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