you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
