So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
