he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
