i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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