just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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