I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
