he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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