its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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