I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
