I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
