y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
