wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
