Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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