You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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