last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
