It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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