found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
