I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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