i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They have beer where we have blood.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
