i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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