I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
