My pussy is not your playground.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
