He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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