Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
