the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
