My sheets look like a crime scene.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize