Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
