so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
