This girl is more easily done than said...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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