you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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