He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
