I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize