why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your cock deserves a montage
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
