why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
