I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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