forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
