my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
