the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize