I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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