What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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