I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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