Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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