They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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