Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
