yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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