I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
