he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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