Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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