Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
