I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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