I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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