i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she told me i tasted like america
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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