yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
