I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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