to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize