Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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