i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I smell stomach acid.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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