I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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