I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
