my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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