She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
