We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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