Jerry, you need to find god
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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