This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
