If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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