Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize