This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
