he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My dick has a subreddit
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
