so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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