my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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