Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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