I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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