so that wasnt chicken after all
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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