Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
