So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
