Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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