You work out of a Hotel?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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