mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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