I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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