I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
