did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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