i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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