Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize