your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
