i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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