if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
