think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
