i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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