Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
