Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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