I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
