I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
