So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
