I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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