he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
