Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
please don't ironically join a cult
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