At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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