I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
